Everything is permissible for me ~ but not everything is beneficial.
Everything is permissible for me ~ but I will not be mastered by anything
It all started with the cookies.
Well. Not even the cookies themselves, really, but the thought of cookies.
Crunchy, dipped-in-milk, chocolaty-chip goodness.
The thought came out of nowhere, midweek, when I was jotting down the family grocery list: You should buy cookies this week. You haven't had any for a long time. You can control yourself now. You've earned some cookies!
If there's one thing I should know about myself as I tramp along on this "Get Healthy" journey, it's that cookies are not an option. I can indulge in lots of other things (I eat chocolate every day, drink all sorts of soda, and eat whatever everyone else around me is eating), but cookies are my undoing. Everytime.
I was pretty sure this time would be different. I thought about cookies from midweek on to grocery day. Superstore, the week's chosen recipient of my hubby's hard-earned millions, was quiet and accomodating. I had lots of time to think happy cookie thoughts as I scratched item after item off of my lengthy list.
Fruits and vegies, check. A dozen liters of milk, check. Three loaves of bread, a sack of bagels, and some buns, check. Five boxes of breakfast cereal, all arguably nutritious, check. Frozen fruit for smoothies and a jug of vegie juice, check.
Cart piled high, I finally rounded the cookie aisle corner. Was it my imagination, or was the row bathed in an unearthly glow? Were those flashing neon arrows pointing the way toward sugary heaven?
A wee, whispery voice suggested that it might be better to step away from the cookies, but I was long past listening to such irrationality! I carefully chose the ideal sack of round, crisp, baked perfection, placed it gently in my over-loaded cart, and headed for the check out.
I couldn't get home fast enough. There would be a cookie feast this afternoon! Again, the quiet voice suggested that perhaps I was getting in over my head with this whole cookie gig, but I was still in reassuring denial: "I can handle this now. No problem. I'll just have a couple and then save the rest until later."
Which turned out to be true...if by "later" I meant "immediately following the six(teen?) I'd already eaten."
An unholy (but sadly gratifying) binge followed. I was unhinged. A sack of four dozen cookies lasted two days. I was completely sick. And frightfully ashamed. And very freaked out. Clearly, cookies are not the manageable indulgence I was hoping they were.
I'm back on track again. It took a couple of days of despairing and "I'm going to give up" thoughts. But I'm down almost seventy pounds with just a few more to go. And today is another day ~~ a good day for remembering that the finish line of this patience-testing, selfcontrol-building race is in sight. I'm not quitting now. I may have extended the run a little by my cookie consuming fiasco; cookie binges have consequences. I'll deal with them and move on.
And next week I'll avoid the cookie aisle altogether.
I do think, though, that I could handle a bit of cake...
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit,
who is in you, whom you have received from God?
You are not your own; you were bought at a price.
Therefore honor God with your body.